Santa Claus and the Scientist

Santa Claus and the Scientist
Christmas Eve, 2008

First, I must admit I am no scientist, but I do like to try and explain things, at least to myself, in a logical way. Of course, I am a big fan of suspending reality when it suits a good purpose. With three young children, it has suited a good purpose this time of year for some 11 years now.

However, when talking with my oldest, Michael, now 11, on how Santa could possibly meet all of his obligations in such a short period of time, I found that I had been quite mistaken to believe I was suspending reality at all. I had simply not thought things out properly.

We were driving through the north shore mountains of Maui, on our way to town to do a little shopping for Christmas. With a broken radio in the car, and my singing talents being what they are, we resorted to some good old fashioned conversation. Being in 6th grade now, watching Disney Channel on too many occasions and generally learning Newtonian physics at some basic level, his belief in a one man toy manufacturing and delivery system rivaling time, space and Fedex was being seriously challenged. But, more importantly, in my mind, was the idea that he was thinking I had been lying to him all these years.

So, I began by asking, with my own genuine amazement, how could a guy like Santa really pull it all off? How could he physically get to every kid's house, across the entire planet, with such a volume of toys, in one night? I added that even using the world's 24 timezones, he would still need to cover some 5000 square kilometers of land every hour. Granted not all land is covered in little kids, so we could easily reduce that to 2000 square kilometers per hour. Maui is about 1800 square kilometers, so roughly if houses were built roof to roof across the entire island (as some might propose) how could Santa do that, every hour? No way. Nothing can cover that kind of distance. Michael agreed, soaking in the onslaught of numbers and thinking of the impossibilities.

“Well, he must be magic then. You could only do that with magic.” Michael suggested. He was still a believer! Good.

That got me thinking. Much of today's science would have been considered magic centuries, even decades ago. So, I do believe in Magic, because generally science advances toward explaining miracles in ways that simply prove that Magic is only that which we have yet to understand and use. And, so I continued my stream of consciousness conversation and suggested right back.

“You know how radio stations work, sending their radio signals all across the island. In cars, with working radios, one guy at the radio station can talk to everyone who is listening, at the same time. He doesn't need to sit down with us in the car, he can simply broadcast his voice over a huge area. It's like our cellphones as well, we can talk to someone, have a conversation, even sing a song to someone and be thousands of miles away. I wonder if Santa has some kind of network like that?”

Michael looked a little quizzical, but seemed to grasp the idea of radio waves, so I expanded the idea.

“You know, at night, when I am driving home in the other car, I can tune in to the AM frequencies of radio and I can pick up signals coming from Las Vegas and Vancouver, Canada. Radio signals can easily go that far. When I was an ARINC radio operator, I once talked to another guy doing a similar job to mine, on the exact opposite side of the planet!”

“Really? Couldn't you just call him on the phone?” Michael asked, a product of these modern times for sure.

“Yes. But, this was not using any wires, no phone lines, we were talking like you and I, but over this invisible energy of HF radio signals.” I continued, in hopes of trying to impress, but it was difficult.

“You know when we turn on the TV, we get our TV signals from a satellite up in space, but if I change the receiving channel to something other than 3 or 4, we get static, lots of static.”

“Sure...”

“I have heard that much of that static is left over energy from the beginning of the universe, and from very far away. Imagine! There is this consistent energy that permeates even the entire universe. Maybe Santa taps into that somehow, to move all those toys?”

“But Dad, static? How can he use static, you can't see anything. There isn't any music, or pictures.”

“True, true. Static is just noise. Chaos.” I pondered the direction of the conversation.

We drove down into another valley, no bridge spans of any magnitude on this island, and up the other side. Rounding the corner at the top, we saw a great expanse of cobalt blue ocean laced with the white frostings of a fresh trade wind. A little farther down the road, the windsurfers were translating that energy into fun. The few tourists standing around were getting their hair messed up, but the athletes were tuning in. Tuning in like a radio.

“You know, everything is static unless you have a receiver. That country station we listen to would be static if we didn't have a radio to translate the energy at 94.3 megahertz into music. Those windsurfers are using their kites as receivers, taking that energy which is turning that poor lady's hair into knots, and surfing those beautiful waves.”

We had gone a little off target, I knew, and I had to focus back on the explanation at hand, Santa and Christmas. We entered the little beach town of Paia, slowing down for all the jaywalkers oblivious to the vehicles but quite entranced by the shopping they were doing at the little shops. The Christmas energy was here alright; these people were smiling and laughing, happy to be warm, together with their friends, their families. These people were receivers.

“You know Michael, I think we can safely say that Santa is full of the Christmas spirit, yes?”

“Yes, of course.” he replied.

“That Christmas spirit makes him stoked to share toys, and happiness, with all the kids. He really wants to do it, just like we are happy to share things, and give gifts as we can. That feeling you get, when you give a gift to someone or share something, I think you could call that the Christmas spirit.”

“Sure. That's fun to do.” Michael smiled.

We continued through to the other side of Paia, it didn't take long, and entered the great sun washed expanses of sugar cane, framed by the magnificent Haleakala and the rainbowed West Maui mountains. I was beginning to get it, finally.

“I think Michael that the Christmas spirit is a kind of energy, maybe like the radio waves, maybe like the sunlight, that can be everywhere at the same time. Santa must use that somehow. All the people that are excited about Christmas, that are in the holiday mood, are the receivers. They are tuned in.”

“You mean, when I gave some coins to the Salvation Army lady, I was like, being like Santa?”

“Sure, did you see her smile? She was even a little surprised. Santa can't physically be everywhere at once, but through this Christmas spirit, that energy, he can be everywhere. In you, in everyone that is tuned in.”

We drove on for a moment. Michael was thinking it all through. Then he suggested,

“It's like we're WiFi repeaters Dad, we're actually amplifying the signal, the Christmas spirit, when we give!”

I teared up a little and had to pause a moment before I could answer. I love science!

“Merry Christmas son.”